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PICTURE BOOKS: Writing About The Inner Life And Real Feelings Of Young Children
Excerpts from two talks, one given at Lesley University, Cambridge MA, to the faculty and students of the Masters of Fine Arts In Writing Program on January 11th, 2005; and one given at the annual meeting of the American Psychoanalytical Association on January 21st, 2005

Excerpts from a speech given at the International Reading Association, May 4, 2004, Reno, Nevada

Excerpts from a speech given to parents at The Riverdale Public School in Portland, Oregon, January 9, 2003

Parents encouraged to discuss death in moments they don't have to
Associated Press March 2005 article on separation anxiety featuring Robie H. Harris and her book Goodbye Mousie.

Author Robie H. Harris Shares Her Inspiration for Growing Up Stories, Kids' Librarians' News, August 5, 2004

PICTURE BOOKS: Writing About The Inner Life And Real Feelings Of Young Children is the title of my talk. And I am going to do just that by talking about why the strong, powerful, real, and legitimate feelings our young children have - even our youngest children have day in day out - feelings that range from joy to sadness, from love to anger to hate to jealousy, to worry to relief and so on, is the stuff at'the center of what I as a children's book author choose to and like to write about.

Whether it's a baby's cry or a young child's blurting out of loving or angry words, the expression of these strong and real feelings are perfectly normal and perfectly healthy. In my picture books I try to tell a good story, and hope that the honest and strong feelings that my characters express will resonate with young children so that they will 'feel' in some way that the strong and powerful feelings they have are perfectly normal and perfectly healthy. And the creation of these characters and the writing of their words often help me explain things to myself, and hopefully that new understanding feeds into my writing one way or another.

Perhaps it's 'the figuring out' how to write these books so that they really are 'in the best interests of the child' - to borrow the title from renowned child analysts Anna Freud and Al Solnit and Joseph Goldstein's and Sonja Goldstein's book - that is what I like so much about the process and struggle of creating these books. And the truth is if someone says to me about my writing, which they do, 'Well, the topic is too tough, or the words are too strong, or the child is too angry' often accompanied by, 'And parents and teachers will not buy something like this,' I don't care. If the story is honest and 'in the best interests of the child,' I will keep the strong feeling or feelings or scene in the book, no matter what. I believe that's in the best interests of the child.

I chose to write GOODBYE MOUSIE, and at the moment I write almost all of my picture books in the first person, because I want young children to be able to identify with the voice of the child in this book. Somehow, for me at least, writing in the 1st person gets into the interior of what a child may be feeling and expresses. Writing in the 1st person feels to me more direct, immediate, and powerful.

My picture book I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY! also deals with some of the same themes: separation and strong emotions. This book comes from a true story that took place the night before my older child's first day of school. He was four years old at the time. Just as he was getting into bed, he said to me 'I'm NOT going to school tomorrow.' in a quiet, matter of fact way. I asked him why, and he answered by saying, 'On the first day, you don't know where the toilets are, or the teacher's names, or if you can play out in the rain.' The list went on and on. Then he told me not to worry - I must have looked worried - not to worry because he would go on the second day when he would know everyone, and know where everything would be, and what would happen next. He said he just wanted to skip the first day. I don't know about you, but I'd always like to skip the first 20 minutes of something new, and begin after I know 'what's up.'

As I try to do in all the picture books I write, in DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK! I wanted to give voice to the concerns, the strong feelings, and even the humor, surrounding a topic that is central to all children's lives - attachment to and separation and independence from those we love the most and who love us the most. Those words, the feelings that are expressed in that title, were actually said to me by my younger child late in the school year when he was almost 4. He loved his teacher and his preschool and all that spring would run ahead when we reached the school so that he could get there as fast as possible and see his teacher and friends and start to talk and play.

That morning, I brought a friend from out of town with us, and after my son and I hugged and goodbye, he blurted out, much to my surprise, 'DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK!' And I was the mother who always said ad nauseam, without fail, 'I'll be back when the big hand reaches the 3, or whatever hour I was coming back.' But still, now matter how loved, how secure, there is that ever-present fear that a parent might NOT come back. Not an unreasonable fear at all.

In my picture book, HAPPY BIRTH DAY!, a book about a baby's first day of life, I write about how powerful every baby is ' in one way or another ' on the day he or she was born, and how loved they were and how excited everybody was to finally meet the new baby in the family. This story is told through the voice of the mother.

In my picture book, HI NEW BABY!, I deal with the strong and legitimate feelings an older sibling feels when the new baby arrives home - feelings that include excitement, disappointment, jealousy, sadness, anger, and love, and attachment as well. The story is told through the voice of the father, since many older siblings spend a lot of time with their daddies when a new baby arrives in the family.

In my newest young picture book series, JUST BEING ME books, again I chose to write about powerful feelings young children have as they navigate through the ups and downs of daily life while they become more and more independent and do things 'their way.' I felt that writing about a tantrum in I'M SO MAD!, when you can't have ice cream now; writing about not being sleepy at bedtime when your parent is exhausted in I'M NOT SLEEPY!; writing about that making a mess is not the worst thing in the world in I LOVE MESSES! and writing about getting dressed 'my way' in I'M ALL DRESSED! were stories that would certainly resonate with young children. I also felt that the humorous, warm cartoon depictions in the art by artist Nicole Hollander, in her simple, but emotional line drawings would pull children into these stories and let them know that the feelings they have are yet again 'perfectly normal.'

Excerpts from a speech at the International Reading Association, May 4, 2004, Reno, Nevada

We are all born with the capacity to express our emotions and of course, for a new baby, it's the cry that evokes a strong and visceral emotional response from us ' the adults. Who can forget a new baby's cry, or any baby's cry? Who can ignore a baby's cry? Even our young and youngest children can't ignore those cries.

So of course, in the 2nd spread of my picture book, HAPPY BIRTH DAY!, illustrated so tenderly by Michael Emberley, with a realistic drawing of a baby's first cry, here's the text: 'You let out a loud cry ' about as loud as a coyote howling at the moon. It was hard that someone so tiny and so new in the world could cry so loud. But you did.' People asked before the book was published, 'But will such a large baby, and such a big cry scare young children? I said NO! And as I predicted, the text or the art does not scare them, rather it fascinates them, as they have seen that kind of cry, or may have just reacted at age 4, or, 5, or 6 with almost the same kind of cry, or have a new baby who cries just like that.

In the opening spread of HI NEW BABY!, also beautifully illustrated by Michael Emberley, in the 2nd spread of the book, here's the cry again, but from the point of view of the older sibling who is just meeting her new baby brother for the very first time. Here's the text: 'Then you touched the baby's nose with your finger. And he woke up, opened his mouth wide, ' and began to cry. And you covered your ears with your hands as fast as you could. Mommy picked up the baby and cuddled him tight. 'It's crying! It's too noisy!' you said in a loud voice. Make it stop, Daddy' You quickly climbed on to my lap. I do not like that baby, you whispered. Again, same questions. Will the negativity of this child be a negative thing for young children? 'NO, NO, and NO!' is my answer.

And then in HELLO BENNY! What It's Like To Be A Baby, the 1st book in Michael Emberley's and my five book series GROWING UP STORIES, Michael draws in cartoon style the cry again, a baby's open and cavernous mouth, and again on the opening the text reads: 'Wha-wha-wha-wahaaaaaaaaaaaaah! wailed Benny as he opening his eyes wide ' and closed them. Benny had just been born! And he had just found out that light is bright.'

Again same questions, the large cry. And yet I have seen young children literally try to comfort the baby, and talking to Michael's drawing, and saying things like, 'Don't worry! Milk is coming soon!' and/or singing a lullaby to the crying image.

When I was growing up, I loved to baby sit. Ever since, I have always thought that babies, toddlers, and young children are fascinating, complicated, and amazing. When my own children were young ' 3, 4, 5, and 6-years-old ' they loved hearing the stories of when they were babies, toddlers, and 2-year-olds. They found the stories of their travels through these years fascinating. And they loved looking back on those years and hearing about all the amazing things they had done and had learned to do.

During those years, I noticed how much my children loved to look at, talk to, and play with babies, toddlers, and 2-year-olds. Whenever they did this, a ton of questions would flow. Why can't babies walk? When did I learn to walk? Why can't babies talk? When did I learn to talk? Can babies laugh? Why do 1-year-olds still pee and poop in a diaper? When did I learn to pee and poop in a potty or toilet? Why is that little boy having a tantrum? Why did that little girl pinch her sister? What are twins? Are all twins exactly like each other? Why do 2-year-olds say 'Why?' all the time? Why do babies put everything in their mouths? Did I do that? What's a toddler? What's a twin? Are twins exactly alike? Why do 2 year olds say 'NO!' a lot? Did I say 'NO!' a lot? The questions were endless, but always interesting.

Then they would beg to hear stories about themselves when they were those ages. 'Tell me a story about when I was little ' when I was a baby ' when I was 1' when I was 2! Tell me a story about ME! Tell me a story about my growing up!' Years later, when I became a grandmother, I remembered all this and thought wouldn't it be interesting and fun for children to hear growing up stories and to learn how amazing they were from the moment they were born and all through their earliest years. And that's where the title for our series GROWING UP STORIES came from. Each book has a different character and family. The illustrations for the facts are of all different kinds of children and families, our way of making sure these books look like what America really looks like ' a diverse nation. This is a value both Michael and I hold.

The first book, HELLO BENNY! What It's Like To Be A Baby! gave me the chance me to tell the story of how amazing babies are from the moment they are born and as they 'grow up' to be 1. When I wrote the story about Benny, I realized that many of scientific facts about infants that I found fascinating would also fascinate children. Children wonder and sometimes worry about why babies cry. One fact I included was, 'When most new babies cry, they don't cry tears. They don't cry tears until they are a few weeks old.' Another was fact was, 'Babies put everything they can into their mouths ' even their fingers and toes and other people's fingers or noses. This helps them to learn whether something feels rough or smooth, soft or hard, comfy or not ' or tastes good or yucky, or hot or cold.' That's when I decided for sure that combining a story with fascinating facts would engage children. We all know how much children love to gather facts and spout them out to each other and to the adults around them.

When thinking about GO! GO! MARIA, What It's Like To Be 1, I knew from the get-go that the story of Maria would be about how she learned to talk and walk. That's why the opening line in this story is, 'Maria was 1. When Maria wasn't trying to walk, she was trying to talk. Sometimes she tried to walk and talk at the same time.' Older children are often surprised to hear that like Maria, when they were 1 and tried to do something new, they would practice something over and over again, until they finally learned to do it. Older children also delight in the fact that 1-year-olds take a few steps and then fall down on their butts, laugh or cry, and get up again and try to walk again. They often follow a 1-year- old around as they toddle around the room, looking like ducks imprinting. Hence, Michael Emberley's marvelous and humorous drawing of a 1-year- old toddling and being followed by a duck waddling with the following words, 'Toddle toddle, waddle, waddle' accompanying the art. Maria is bi-lingual and that gave me the opportunity to include this fact. One-year-olds who grow up in families who speak more that one language often learn to speak two language at the same time.'

I have twin nephews and I loved watching these two boys grow up. I have another nephew who is the father of a set of twins. One is a girl, the other is a boy, and I love being with them as well. That's probably why I thought it would be fun and interesting when writing about 2-year-olds to also write about twins. One day on the subway, I sat next to a set of 2 year-old twins whose names were Jasmine and Jackson and that's how I came up with the title SWEET JASMINE, NICE JACKSON, What It's Like To Be 2 ' and To Be Twins. I had always known that this book would be about becoming independent, having a mind of one's own. That's a lot of what 'being 2' is about. Otherwise, why would a 2-year-old say 'NO!' so much of the time? That's why in this story, I wrote, 'The next morning when their Mommy asked, 'Time for a new diaper?' Jasmine shouted, 'NO! No dipe! NO-NO-NO-NO-OOOO!' and ran out of the room' That night when their daddy said, 'Time to go night-night!' Jackson whispered, 'NO night-night' and ran out of the room.' This led me to include this fact: 'Two year olds hear the word 'NO!' a lot. And they say 'NO!' a lot. They even say 'NO!' to their toys and pets. Saying 'No!' is their way of telling someone, I want to do what I want to do!' Later on, they do learn that they can't always do what they want to do ' or have what they want to have.' And of course, in the story, it's clear that even twins are not exactly alike. Jackson puts marshmallow in his hot chocolate. Jasmine puts marshmallow in Jackson's hair. This led me to include this fact. 'Twins ' even those who look almost exactly alike ' are never exactly like each other. They may have different friends or like different foods. One might like to scribble with crayons. The other might like to finger-paint. One might be noisy. The other might be quiet.'

Writing each new book in this series continues to be so gratifying. I love the challenge of creating stories about infants, toddlers, twins, and very young children and making each child and family unique. Working with Michael Emberely is always a privilege. His magnificent depictions of each child and family are warm, honest, humorous, touching, accurate, and informative. His art make our books ones that children love to have read to them, love to look at and browse through, and when old enough read to themselves or a younger sibling.

Many a parent has told me that after reading one of our GROWING UP STORIES to a child, children ask to see pictures of themselves when they were babies and when they were little. And that more often than not, children ask a parent to tell them stories about when their parent was little or about when they are little. My grandchildren love having my husband and I tell them stories about when we were babies or little. Teachers have told me how much children love to listen to GROWING UP STORIES and many have told me how well these books compliment their curriculums on the family ' a popular curriculum used in pre-schools, kindergartens, and 1st and 2nd grades. It's hard to believe that we were all babies and were all little once. But isn't it fascinating to hear what we were like when we were little? A teacher of 5 year'olds told me that after reading SWEET JACKSON, NICE JACKSON to her class, one of the children exclaimed, 'Wow! I've already done a lot of growing up!'

Excerpts from a speech to parents at The Riverdale Public School in Portland, Oregon, January 9, 2003

Thirteen years ago, I was asked if I would be interested in writing a book on HIV and AIDS for elementary school age children ' children who are pre-puberty age, or on the cusp of entering puberty, or who have just entered puberty.

My immediate response, both as a parent and a former elementary school teacher, was, 'If I were going to write a book for pre-adolescent children or talk with them about HIV and AIDS, I would write and talk about HIV and AIDS in the context of healthy sexuality. What I would do is to write a book for children on healthy sexuality and human development that includes HIV and AIDS.' And that's what I did ' for the next five years.

I began this book with many questions, and the more I learned the more questions I had. My very first questions were: How could I help educate children about sex and sexuality and still make the information as comfortable as possible? How could I write about this subject honestly, while at the same time, respect children's innermost feelings, thoughts and privacy? How could I present scientific and psychological information responsibly, simply and accurately, when the subject is so complex and so value-laden? These are questions I thought about a lot and wrestled with for a long time.

The first thing I did ' was talk with my own to children ' and then I spoke kids ages ten and up. I started with the kids ' then the adults. It was and is no surprise that our children ' who are growing up in an age of media explicitness about sex and sexuality, as well as in the age of the HIV/AIDS epidemic ' have endless questions concerning sexuality. But what also became instantly clear is that while our children have a great deal of information about sexuality, they also have an alarming amount of misinformation. I understood in a way that I had never understood before ' that it is essential ' for our children's own well being and health ' that their information be clarified in an accurate and responsible manner.

It's also became clear that children, ages ten and up, have a natural and normal interest in sex; they also have a natural interest in science. I realized that a science book on sex could provide a myriad of opportunities to teach biology and genetics, human growth and development, prevention and health within a subject that would be guaranteed to interest everyone. Science is a powerful tool for engaging children in learning about sexual and reproductive health.

Once science has been laid out, much of the nervousness ' for adults as well as kids ' surrounding the subject of sexuality is taken away. Children are then freed up to learn about the many areas involving sexuality in a productive manner. As I worked on this book, I became fascinated with the science ' everything from the uniting of the sperm and egg to artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization to genetics, to viruses and so on ' and I believed that children would too.

Soon after, I spoke with parents and teachers. Both parents and teachers told me, time and time again, that they are inundated with questions about sex, which they have traditionally found difficult to answer. With HIV/AIDS epidemic, questions about sex are even more complicated and difficult to address. Countless times, parents and teachers have said to me, 'I need help with this. Now!'

After talking with children and their parents and teachers, as well as experts in the fields of biology, education, sexuality education, pediatrics, adolescent health, reproductive health, obstetrics, urology, psychology, psychiatry, genetics, sexual abuse and STDs, including HIV and AIDS. 'another thing became clear: this book would have to be comprehensive.

I understood that it would be a disservice to children to present anything less than a full, but age-appropriate, treatment of the subject matter. This book covers many areas, including -- Sex and Sexuality, Changing Bodies, Puberty, Families and Babies, Pregnancy and Birth, Heterosexuality and Homosexuality, Postponement, Abstinence and Birth Control, Abortion, Sexual Abuse, STD's including HIV and AIDS, and Staying Healthy and Being Responsible.

Most always, when I speak someone says to me, 'If only you would take out homosexuality, or abuse, or HIV, or masturbation, the difficult topics, you would sell more copies.' But I can't and won't do that. In terms of kids, it would be dishonest not to talk about these topics. And besides when it comes to sex, every topic is difficult.

This book is illustrated by Michael Emberley, children's book illustrator extradinaire who spent three years drawing and revising and thinking hard about every piece of art in this book as he also did for our book for younger children, IT'S SO AMAZING! Michael's art from this 100% unbiased point of view is SO AMAZING! and my books would not work without his art. In IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL, two cartoon characters, THE BIRD and THE BEE appear and comment throughout the book and are the voices of children ages 10 and up. They are my way of answering the real questions kids have, the ones they may have the most difficulty asking and/or finding the answers to. For example, the first section on the book answers the question, 'What is Sex?' because most kids really want to know the real answer to that question, before they learn about how their bodies work, or puberty. As the BIRD and BEE find out, the answers are in the dictionary.

IT'S SO AMAZING! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families, is for children ages 7 and up who have many of the same questions older children do, but who do not need or want the same amount of information. And it is for the parent, teacher, librarian, or health professional who has been asking for a book on sexuality for children who are younger, and who feels that the information and approach in IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL! is too advanced for most 7 to 9 year olds.

This book focuses on how babies are made, where we all come from, birth and adoption, and how we all arrived. But these topics are only the lens with which to talk with children this age about many, many aspects of healthy sexuality.

Even though this book focuses a different topic than IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL ' puberty, this younger book also deals with all the attendant issues that have to do with sex. The first question I asked before beginning this book was ' Who is this child?'

The 7 to 9 year old child (and even the 6 year old) is often called 'the latency age child.' It had been assumed for many years that this age child's thoughts and feelings about sexuality ' and all the questions that child may have such as: where babies come from, what is different and what is the same about girls and boys and men and women, etc. ' are latent or underground. In short, it was assumed that children this age are not interested in these issues.

Yet in the past fifteen years or so, psychologists, psychiatrists, pediatricians and other health professionals, and child development specialists have found the opposite to be true. Children this age are extremely interested in these issues. Parents and teachers have confirmed this interest when reporting the questions children ask. They are the questions that are addressed and covered in this younger book.

Why did we create this book? Since IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL! was published, Michael and I continue to be asked to speak and to be interviewed by the media. Over the last two plus years, Michael and I have been asked over and over again, 'When will you do a book on this topic ' sex ' for younger children who are also asking so many questions?' 'Will you please do an up-to-date book on where babies come from, but one that also answers all the other questions our kids have about sex?' Parents, teachers, librarians and health professionals have asked us to write and illustrate books on sexuality for children as young as age 2 ' to as old as age 9.

And they have told us that younger and younger children are asking more and more questions about all sorts of topics ' not just about where babies come from - but also about adoption, ultra-sound, in vitro (young children bring photos of the fetus to school and often know whether they will be having a baby brother or sister), puberty, masturbation, homosexuality, HIV and AIDS, abuse, losing a baby either by miscarriage, and yes, sometimes abortion. The media has brought most of these topics into almost every home, before most adults feel capable of or ready to talk with and answer younger children's questions about these issues. We have created this book because we believe that there is a need.

And we believe that children have a right to have accurate and age-appropriate information about 'where they come from.' Children this age are fascinated about 'how things work.' They want to know how their 'evermore competent' bodies work. And they want to know about exactly how their mother's and father's bodies worked to make them ' to make a baby. And in order to make a baby, they have to know about eggs and sperm and ' yes also about sex. How an egg and sperm get together and make a baby is a truly amazing story. And that is the main story, but not the only story, of this book. Children in this age group are so interested in the science ' the biology. They are also fascinated, as most everyone is, about the development of the fetus. And it is the action ' the travels of the egg and sperm, and how a fetus grows and breathes and eats and the birth ' that grabs their interest. After all, this is all about THEM ' about how each child came to be born. This is what these younger children want to know.

I visited a 2nd grade science class that was studying BIRTH and they were doing a unit on human birth. They were fascinated with sperm and eggs, and the growth of the fetus, and how sperm got to the egg and talked about sex was the way babies are made. They also brought in pictures of siblings in utero, ultra sound images to share with the class and in particular to see if anyone could see whether this fetus would be born a boy or a girl ' which sex would this developing baby ' a fetus at this point ' be. This is 2nd grade. And all was talked about in simple concrete terms. And all was fascinating to these kids, really got them to observe.

One thing I would like to mention is that there is much more information in this book about adoption. It is discussed in detail in the family chapter. It is also part of the genetics chapter and is referred to in other places in the book. Parents who have adopted children tell us that they hate most of these books because their children and their families are LEFT OUT, or only mentioned in a cursory way, in books about where babies come from. Our book addresses and remedies this legitimate concern.

And I am sure it's no surprise to you that Michael Emberley and I are working on a book for even younger children ages 4 and up called IT'S NOT THE STORK! A Book About Girls, Boys, Birth, Babies, Families and Friends to be published in 2006. And of course, these younger children have questions too. And they often blurt them out on the subway or in the supermarket checkout line ' often not the most opportune time, but a time when for many, it a challenge to come up with an answer.

Parents encouraged to discuss death in moments they don't have to
Associated Press March 2005 article on separation anxiety featuring Robie H. Harris and her book Goodbye Mousie.

By SAMANTHA CRITCHELL, Associated Press Writer

Death is a fact of life, but it's not one that is easy to explain to children without scaring or scarring them.

Because it is such a difficult and complicated subject - even for many adults - parents often wait to discuss it until they absolutely have to, such as when a beloved relative or family pet dies.

Don't delay, advises Robie Harris, author of "Goodbye Mousie" (Simon & Schuster), a story written in the voice of a young boy whose pet mouse didn't wake up one morning. Parents will be better prepared to give thoughtful answers to kids' anxious questions during times of relative calm, she says.

Also, adds Harris, if death is talked about as part of regular conversation, it won't come as such a shock when a child is indeed personally affected by it.

Harris says she never set out to write a book about death, but the concept of loss and how families deal with that "really is one of life's most interesting stories."

"Attachment, love and loss are all topics everyone experiences, even young children. It's a book I believe was in my head for ages," she says. "It comes from my own children's love of pets - and all the gerbils, mice, dogs and goldfish all buried in our backyard," says Harris, the mother of two sons and grandmother of four.

Children generally become aware of death around age 4 and are developmentally ready to begin to grasp it, says David Sparrow, senior editor at Parents, but some are exposed to it earlier in books, movies or their own lives.

Sparrow edited a question-and-answer column on introducing children to the idea of death for the magazine's May issue.

The best strategy is to answer kids' questions truthfully and simply, but parents shouldn't add to their response more than the child wanted to know, Sparrow suggests.

For example: A child asks, "Why do people die?"

The answer should be, "People die when their hearts stop beating and their bodies stop working."

That's the truth and preschoolers will be able to understand it because they grasp when things work and when they don't - sort of like a toy that runs on batteries. Sometimes the batteries die, and the toy no longer works.

"Parents are very afraid to be straightforward, but while they might have the best intentions, some of the language they use can be confusing. Saying, 'We lost Uncle Henry' or 'We had to put Fluffy to sleep' is dangerous on several levels," Sparrow says, "because children might then think that Uncle Henry will come back, or it'll cause unneeded anxieties in kids about sleep."

Of course, the straightforward answer might also leave children upset and nervous, especially if they do understand the irreversibility of death, but those feelings should subside over time, both Sparrow and Harris say.

Encourage children to share their feelings, advises Harris. The lead character in "Goodbye Mousie" does just that: First there is denial -- "Mousie is NOT dead! Mousie was alive just last night! He's just ... very ... very sleepy this morning." -- then anger, sadness and, eventually, some acceptance.

Children can experience these emotions if they lose their favorite blanket or teddy bear - even if it's only missing for 20 minutes.

"It's about the things you care and love about ... and the universal emotions of loss," says Harris, who has also written new books called "I'm So Mad" and "I'm So Sleepy," which aim to help children understand why they feel the way they do.

And if Uncle Henry or Fluffy died, children probably are worried that others will, too.

Adults need to choose their words carefully here, Sparrow says.

"Tell them death isn't contagious. Tell them it usually happens to old people or to people who are very very sick, and that their mommy and daddy are fine and there'll always be someone to take care of them," he says.

Advance preparation can help everyone grieve, he adds. Then a ceremony, be it a formal funeral for grandpa or a backyard burial for a pet can set the stage for acceptance.

"We, as a family, put dead pets in a shoe box and then we decorated it. It was our ritual but it's similar to ancient Egypt. You put in (the box) nice things of your own to be with Mousie. A picture, a carrot, a tiny toy car. Then you decorate. That helps children move through it," Harris says.

She also encourages parents to talk about the full and happy life the person or pet lived, and ask the kids about their own favorite memories. Maybe the children will laugh, maybe they'll cry, but, either way, this means they are moving on, Harris says.

Don't be surprised, though, if some children don't seem to have much reaction at all, notes Sparrow.

"Don't expect your child to grieve the same way you do," he says. Some children will get fidgety and want to play during a funeral, others might withdraw, and still others might ask 20 questions - or the same one 20 times. Parents only need to worry if the children veer sharply off their normal course of behavior, Sparrow explains.

"There's nothing abnormal or morbid about child becoming a little fixated on death. It's difficult for them to handle and they're trying to make sense of the world, learning about life and death. It's something new and they're trying to absorb it."

Author Robie H. Harris Shares Her Inspiration for Growing Up Stories, Kids' Librarians' News, August 5, 2004

Author Robie H. Harris was delighted to share her thoughts about what prompted her to write SWEET JASMINE, NICE JACKSON, What It's Like To Be 2-And To Be Twins!, the third book in her series GROWING UP STORIES, illustrated by Michael Emberley. This is the seventh children's book Robie and Michael have created together. She writes:

When I was growing up, I loved to babysit. Ever since, I have always thought that babies, toddlers, and young children are fascinating, complicated, and amazing. When my own children were young-three, four, five, and six years old-they loved hearing the stories of when they were babies, toddlers, and two-year-olds. They found the stories of their travels through these years fascinating. And they loved looking back on those years and hearing about all the amazing things they had done and had learned to do.

During those years, I noticed how much my children loved to look at, talk to, and play with babies, toddlers, and two-year-olds. Whenever they did this, a ton of questions would flow. Why can't babies walk? When did I learn to walk? Why can't babies talk? When did I learn to talk? Can babies laugh? Why do one-year-olds still pee and poop in a diaper? When did I learn to pee and poop in a potty or toilet? Why is that little boy having a tantrum? Why did that little girl pinch her sister? What are twins? Are all twins exactly like each other? Why do two-year-olds say "Why?" all the time? Why do babies put everything in their mouths? Did I do that? What's a toddler? Why do 2 year olds say "NO!" a lot? Did I say "NO!" a lot? The questions were endless, but always interesting.

Then they would beg to hear stories about themselves when they were those ages. "Tell me a story about when I was little-when I was a baby-when I was one-when I was two! Tell me a story about ME! Tell me a story about my growing up!" Years later, when I became a grandmother, I remembered all this and thought, wouldn't it be interesting and fun for children to hear growing up stories and to learn how amazing they were from the moment they were born and all through their earliest years. And that's where the title for our series GROWING UP STORIES came from. Each book has a different character and family. The illustrations are of all different kinds of children and families, our way of making sure these books look like what America really looks like-a diverse nation. This is a value both Michael and I hold.

The first book, HELLO BENNY! What It's Like To Be A Baby gave me the chance to tell the story of how amazing babies are from the moment they are born and as they "grow up" to be one. When I wrote the story about Benny, I realized that many scientific facts about infants that I found fascinating would also fascinate children. Children wonder and sometimes worry about why babies cry. One fact I included was, "When most new babies cry, they don't cry tears. They don't cry tears until they are a few weeks old." Another fact was, "Babies put everything they can into their mouths-even their fingers and toes and other people's fingers or noses. This helps them to learn whether something feels rough or smooth, soft or hard, comfy or not-or tastes good or yucky, or hot or cold." That's when I decided for sure that combining a story with fascinating facts would engage children. We all know how much children love to gather facts and spout them out to each other and to the adults around them.

When thinking about GO! GO! MARIA! What It's Like To Be 1, I knew from the get-go that the story of Maria would be about how she learned to talk and walk. That's why the opening line in this story is, "Maria was one. When Maria wasn't trying to walk, she was trying to talk. Sometimes she tried to walk and talk at the same time." Older children are often surprised to hear that like Maria, when they were one and tried to do something new, they would practice something over and over again, until they finally learned to do it. Older children also delight in the fact that one-year-olds take a few steps and then fall down on their butts, laugh or cry, and get up again and try to walk again. They often follow a one-year-old around as they toddle around the room, looking like ducks imprinting. Hence, Michael Emberley's marvelous and humorous drawing of a one-year-old toddling and being followed by a duck waddling with the following words, "Toddle toddle, waddle, waddle." is accompanied by the art. Maria is bilingual and that gave me the opportunity to include this fact: "One-year-olds who grow up in families who speak more than one language often learn to speak two languages at the same time."

I have twin nephews and I loved watching these two boys grow up. I have another nephew who is the father of a set of twins. One is a girl, the other is a boy, and I love being with them as well. That's probably why I thought it would be fun and interesting when writing about two-year-olds to also write about twins. One day on the subway, I sat next to a set of two-year-old twins whose names were Jasmine and Jackson and that's how I came up with the title SWEET JASMINE, NICE JACKSON, What It's Like To Be 2-and To Be Twins! I had always known that this book would be about becoming independent, having a mind of one's own. That's a lot of what "being 2" is about. Otherwise, why would a two-year-old say "NO!" so much of the time? That's why in this story, I wrote, "The next morning when their mommy asked, 'Time for a new diaper?' Jasmine shouted, 'NO! No dipe! NO-NO-NO-NO-OOOO!' and ran out of the room . . . That night when their daddy said, 'Time to go night-night!' Jackson whispered, 'NO night-night' and ran out of the room." This led me to include this fact: "Two-year-olds hear the word 'NO!' a lot. And they say 'NO!' a lot. They even say 'NO!' to their toys and pets. Saying 'No!' is their way of telling someone, I want to do what I want to do!" Later on, they do learn that they can't always do what they want to do-or have what they want to have." And of course, in the story, it's clear that even twins are not exactly alike. Jackson puts marshmallow in his hot chocolate. Jasmine puts marshmallow in Jackson's hair. This led me to include this fact. "Twins-even those who look almost exactly alike-are never exactly like each other. They may have different friends or like different foods. One might like to scribble with crayons. The other might like to finger paint. One might be noisy. The other might be quiet."

Writing each new book in this series continues to be so gratifying. I love the challenge of creating stories about infants, toddlers, twins, and very young children and making each child and family unique. Working with Michael Emberley is always a privilege. His magnificent depictions of each child and family are warm, honest, humorous, touching, accurate, and informative. His art makes our books ones that children love to have read to them, love to look at and browse through, and when old enough, love to read to themselves or a younger sibling.

Many a parent has told me that after reading one of our GROWING UP STORIES to children, the children ask to see pictures of themselves when they were babies and when they were little. And that more often than not, children ask a parent to tell them stories about when their parent was little or about when they were little. My grandchildren love having my husband and I tell them stories about when we were babies or little. Teachers have told me how much children love to listen to GROWING UP STORIES and many have told me how well these books complement their curriculums on the family-a popular curriculum used in preschool, kindergarten, and first and second grade. It's hard to believe that we were all babies and were all little once. But isn't it fascinating to hear what we were like when we were little? A teacher of five-year-olds told me that after reading SWEET JASMINE, NICE JACKSON to her class, one of the children exclaimed, "Wow! I've already done a lot of growing up!"